Early Afternoon Thoughts

I just had literally the shortest interview ever - and not for lack of liking, or for lack of being enough qualified for the job, but as always, for lack of time. She seemed to like me, she seemed to like the way I interacted with her dogs, but when I told her honestly that I'd have to leave in two months (damn honesty, and the fact that I can't do it any other way), she basically cut me off and told me she needed six months at least, ideally a year. Two minutes, twenty steps into the park . . . and as I walked out of the park on my way back to the subway, I realized that this entire job hunting thing might be one of the most frustrating that I've ever experienced.

Sometimes I really wonder what possessed me to come up here on the promise (not the actuality, even) of two unpaid internships, and to assume that it's "just gonna work out." What the hell was I thinking? I can't get a job because the timing's all wrong, and nobody wants anyone - server, barista, dog-walker, street-cleaner - that's only going to last two months. It's not even entirely about the money anymore - there's a part of me that's just frustrated by not being productive, not being able to structure my life around anything other than meals and train schedules. And it's a little bit about my pride, too. I've never not been able to get a job before. I've never not been desirable by a boss. It kind of stings.

So I came home right away, climbed up in my top bunk with my computer, and started an applicable 30 Rock - Jackie Jormp-Jomp, the one where Liz is frustrated by being on leave (for normal reasons). It's already making me feel better. So today will be my follow-up day.

Closing the play went pretty well. We had a completely dead crowd (texted to Simon during the show: "D. E. D. dead") that literally responded to nothing whatsoever, including the Captain's striptease. You can't not laugh at that! They asked for a second curtain call, though, so I guess they must have liked it. I then spent three hours climbing around on the grid dropping cable for all the projectors, which was something I'm actually a little bit glad I did - there's a great fulfillment to overcoming fear, and fear of being literally on top of a 12-foot ladder hanging perilously from the rafters is a pretty significant one (maybe also not a bad one to have).

Now that I've done my duty to the theater, and it's all said and done, I actually feel a little bit sad. Mind you, there were times of intense boredom and annoyance during this process, and I'm not sad to be done with a lot of it, but I've abandoned something I spent many hours on, and there's a little bit of sadness there. Not having so much interaction with those specific people, not having someplace to be at 7:30 every night, is going to be a little strange for a few days.

But hey, I got a job through it. A paying job, even. Paul asked me to go ahead and edit together all the footage so he can have a clean, documented form of the play. It's "a couple hundred dollars," whatever that means, but more importantly, it's something to put on my reel for later, and it's experience that I need. I won't be able to start on it for a while, but I'm pretty excited about having several angles, several takes, and several tracks to work with. Should be quite an experience.

"Heavy is the head that eats the crayons. Going to take a nap. See you in ten hours."